I am about to peel back the shroud of secrecy on that one last male bastion: the early morning breakfast at the local café. Turns out, you may not be aware of the greatest of all male bonding rituals. Yes, here it is!
I like to eat breakfast out. Frankly, I would eat breakfast out with more glee than any other meal. Yes, I do love my sausage gravy and biscuits. Thankfully, for my body’s sake, I cannot do this often because of that pesky necessity to work.
The male bonding ritual is only found though when consuming your breakfast before 7. Nope, this ritual cannot occur at an hour when sane people are still sleeping. You see, the ritual requires looking a bit scruffy. No clean shaven ( or faux grunge look) Seattle types are permitted. Unkempt hair is a necessity. Strangely this means you get to wear your hat while you eat. And in the Olympic Peninsula, seafaring towns, this means a stocking cap of one kind or another. No DeKalb corn grower hats here!
So how does the bonding occur? You nod at each other over the top of your newspaper. Yes folks, that means bonded for life. This is the true male secret handshake. Marriage should be so sacred. Once you have acknowledged each other, at any future meeting on the street or local tavern, you must greet each other as long lost friends.
BTW, it is also perfectly acceptable and good manners to bus your own darn dishes at this ungodly hour. You see, there is one group of women who actually know all about men’s secret rituals. These are the fearsome and lovable waitresses who are up at this hour slinging the coffee.
I do love small town America!